Film Trailer

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It's Official!

Today Dying to Live- the journey into a man’s open heart becomes available officially through Passion River Films at a variety of retail outlets online. i.e. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Best Buy, Target and Netflix. This statement in itself is a blatant chest beating to a newly discovered marketing rhythm, but what is invisible, in all of the graphics and synchronized talking points about this film experience, is the breath of humanity that filled the creative sails on this journey. I’ve spoken about how lucky I have been in life and today I am experiencing this more profoundly than before. It is not the intense emotional high of my early work in the theater, business or my personal relationships, but a deeper sense and trust of self, molded by my family, friends, colleagues and fellow seekers.

Perhaps it is knowing that I am beginning a new chapter, that I am able to walk away from this table today without looking back because I now own all of my experience. The love I shared with my family, wife and friends. Which I was able to receive and give releases me now. A revived freedom arrives rooted in the work of expressing fully my truths.

I am aware that the work doesn’t end. That tomorrow, somewhere I’ll be pulling my shoes on to walk up a hill. But for this briefest of moments today, with fingers pulling words that embrace momentarily the souls who blessed me with the inspiration and will to keep moving in the dark. Today it’s official. I am a man giving thanks to those who have gone before and gracefully given me so much.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Almost 10 Years

I had my first stress echo on my heart in more than 4 years and all is good. I even surpassed my stress levels of my last test. My Doctor informed me that there is no leak in my valve and it all looked very good. In fact, I looked the best to him since I first started seeing him 7-8 years ago.


All good to hear. Over the course of the year, I’ve been to several other physicians to have a an overall check-up (prostate, liver, etc), to have my varicose vein removed from my right leg, and to have several pre-cancerous lesions removed by a dermatologist. I needed to see a hematologist regarding low platelet readings that have been going on for several years and required a MTI and CAT scan of my liver and spleen. I saw an orthopedic surgeon with an accompanying CAT scan of my right knee revealing a torn meniscus, which I am trying to rehab to forgo the suggested surgery for now. Not uneventful this year, but overall my health is good. I work at my exercise, diet, rest and mental health. I give and receive love from Catherine, my family and friends. I forgot to list a trip to the emergency room in Marseilles a year ago in the fall when I was constipated for about 10 days, which was very uncomfortable, as I was concerned it could have been an obstruction or something.


They've got me working again. This is life.


It’s becoming a bit of maintenance.


But what occurred to me as I lay again on my left side in a quiet dark room all wired up, seeing images of my beating heart out of the corner of my eye and hearing the swoosh of the blood flow over the machines speakers, is how all of the old feelings return immediately. The fear and apprehension that perhaps this time they will find something in the echo that’s not right or that you’ll hear the words that I came to know as “the kiss of death.: “This is interesting” or “Let me see if the Doctor is still here”.. These phrases inevitably signaled for me the beginning of a new medical adventure and a ride on a euphemistic emotional roller coaster. It was not the case on Wednesday, October 28, 2009. I was fine, almost 10 years (2 months shy) of my open-heart surgery.


I repeat it often. I’m lucky. As much because my genes, regime, medical care and primary heart surgery are working and keeping me well, but also it’s because I have the health insurance to stay on top of my conditions and raise early warning flags when more serious problems arise. I have always had a great plan of coverage through my union The Screen Actors Guild, which brings me to wonder, What if I didn’t? Where would I be? Would I be alive today?