I had originally begun this entry as a story of a bunch of 60ish college friends going to Las Vegas over the NCAA sweet 16 weekend. They would be there to reaffirm their friendships, share memories of friends and families that had recently died and establish in their own minds that they could still bring it when needed.
I believe that story needs to be written and after the event I will re-visit it. But “Sweet 60” was just good to wait on seeing that I am turning 60 years old this Saturday March 20th. It has been 10 years since my Mother coined “50 is Nifty” not knowing she would be included in my film “Dying to Live- the journey into a man’s open heart” I was just out of the hospital 2 weeks after a complication to my heart- valve repairs and my Mom had flown out to Los Angeles to be there for the 50th. She was recovered from a surgery for colon cancer the previous December only 3 ½ months before and did not know anything about my heart condition or hospital stays. In thinking back it was the right choice to let her live without the additional worries of my illness, especially at that stage of her life and with her own medical concerns.
Now I am turning 60. What a decade. At one point I was going to write again about living from 50 to 60 as the “Lost Decade” But in truth it was transformative. My friend Jimmy who has preceded me to the sweetness told me “60 is the new 100”. It was funny the first time I heard it because I had expected to hear a more predictable Baby Boomer approach that would claim 60 to be the new 30. Well 60 is, for lack of a real understanding until I get there…60. and it feels good. I swam 1 ½ miles yesterday and the day before that I took a spinning class with a group of Gen X co-eds and must have dropped 2-3 pounds in sweat. I’m pushing it physically, opening up emotionally, being supportive to my loved ones, working on growing my relationship and finding new wrinkles in my creative process. I have hope and am optimistic about the world I live in.
Around me I’m aware of the challenges of advancing in age. The unexpected deaths and illnesses that are surrounding and invading my web of relations. No one goes untouched. I’m actively work on understanding the core of the models I most admired as a guide to what works as you age and rely more and more on my gut, not over thinking my actions. It’s all in me already. I’ve been thru a lot. I have learned what works for me. Sometimes I write this blog as a pep talk to myself. If I had any advice to myself it would be, Don’t Wait. Do it now. Be Honest with yourself and show your emotions. The people I’ve most admired were doer’s even under the worst circumstances and never once withheld their love.
My friend the writer John Shaner has two sayings that come to mind “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain” and “What comes from the heart, goes to the heart. Thanks John if you ever read this. I can and have turned those words into action. My Mom who lived to be 89 thru many difficulties also had two sayings I like, “Got to keep movin” and “Life is to give and receive love” The receiving has been more difficult, but rewarding.
So I plan to take it from my youngest nephew. When I ask him how things are going and he feels real good about himself he just responds “Sweet” That’s me. If I were to go tomorrow, I have had a great life. Loved fully, worked with talented artists, had wonderful friends, traveled the globe and genuinely tried to make a difference in the world thru my work and actions. Each day is a challenge and you can never coast, but life is sweet.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
There is No Waiting
I have just returned home after wintering in Europe. A funny concept since I live in California where I could have been walking around in a shirt most of the time and I just spent 3 months in scarves, gloves, down coats, boots, hats and umbrellas. The trip was great. I broke new ground writing short stories, gained confidence in a different culture and began to get a perspective on my country from afar. Life went on and ended for several friends and acquaintances. That part doesn’t get any easier and seems to be growing daily. Hearing news about friends, relatives and friends of friends. The Boomers and their parents are at the time of life when they are winding down and the unanticipated medical catastrophe is no longer unexpected.
The media has picked up on all of it. Keith Olberman on MSNBC is doing a series on end of life issues, as he lives with his Dad who is dying, going in and out of hospice. It was riveting to see him advocate for advanced directives and inter-family discussions that help to prepare for the inevitable deaths of our loved ones. Last night I watched Tom Brokaw host a two hour program on the Boomer Generation. Now in their 60’s, dealing with aging, their finances and their health seemingly for the first time. The generation that thought they would be young and live forever. The generation of hope and optimism.
Why lose hope or optimism when confronted with the reality of the human condition. We live, we die. It’s a matter of shifting the perspective of what we are hoping for. A good life and a good death. Quality lives that express our character and pass along traditions.
Coming home to the states I had to acknowledge the venom that has grown in the debate over healthcare reform. I received an email recently from a very well educated acquaintance about another matter that was prefaced with a dressing down (to put it mildly) of the current legislation being considered on healthcare reform and a bile soaked attack on the President and his agenda for change and reform. Is it really us against them? To see some of the specifics of her argument. Capital gains taxes going from 15 to 22 percent as 31 million more people become insured which will force doctors out of the profession as their fees are cut causing rationing of medical care. Than the re-emergence of “death panels’, couched in different language of oversight panels, to limit procedures for the elderly and claiming the entire reform package is structured as a giant Ponzi scheme in a power grab against the public’s liberties. I was afraid to open the attached link because her fear mongering rattled me.
Has it come to a place that we don’t trust the government that was voted in by a vast majority to perform from character? Are we all so afraid of our lower selves that we assume everyone else is trying to “do”us for their own self gain? Don’t Doctors take the Hypocratic oath?
I came home to find a close friend of mine at the end of her life just going into home hospice. She is 85 and has been fighting cancer for over 4 years. She has been courageous, vulnerable and a good friend. The truth is important to her and she is living these moments with authentic passion and presence. She has always lived in the moment. Her two Boomer children are with her and listening to her wishes. They are making choices for her funeral, her legacy and these last weeks of her life. The hour I spent alone with her the other day will stay with me forever. Her clear vision of character and authentic pursuit of life have been another model and star by which I will navigate my ship. I am acutely aware of how very lucky I’ve been to have had her friendship and the generous wisdom she has shared with me in the most trying of times. I was trying to comfort her and she has transformed me.
3 days later
In the time I have put this writing down, waiting to complete it at a more convenient and inspired moment, my friend has passed away. There is no waiting. Yesterday, on her last day of life, a ‘love feast’ was held at her house and I was invited to be in the company of her family and friends with whom she lived these 85 years. She had slipped into a calm sleep from which she would not wake and the word surreal was uttered by more than one person I spoke with. I have been in a fog since I received the news of her death this morning. It doesn’t get easier even with those who have had long and full lives. I know someone writing a play about a time “When everyone was alive” That is no longer the case and the future is well…apparently relentless. Now is all we have. Love up the one’s you love.
The media has picked up on all of it. Keith Olberman on MSNBC is doing a series on end of life issues, as he lives with his Dad who is dying, going in and out of hospice. It was riveting to see him advocate for advanced directives and inter-family discussions that help to prepare for the inevitable deaths of our loved ones. Last night I watched Tom Brokaw host a two hour program on the Boomer Generation. Now in their 60’s, dealing with aging, their finances and their health seemingly for the first time. The generation that thought they would be young and live forever. The generation of hope and optimism.
Why lose hope or optimism when confronted with the reality of the human condition. We live, we die. It’s a matter of shifting the perspective of what we are hoping for. A good life and a good death. Quality lives that express our character and pass along traditions.
Coming home to the states I had to acknowledge the venom that has grown in the debate over healthcare reform. I received an email recently from a very well educated acquaintance about another matter that was prefaced with a dressing down (to put it mildly) of the current legislation being considered on healthcare reform and a bile soaked attack on the President and his agenda for change and reform. Is it really us against them? To see some of the specifics of her argument. Capital gains taxes going from 15 to 22 percent as 31 million more people become insured which will force doctors out of the profession as their fees are cut causing rationing of medical care. Than the re-emergence of “death panels’, couched in different language of oversight panels, to limit procedures for the elderly and claiming the entire reform package is structured as a giant Ponzi scheme in a power grab against the public’s liberties. I was afraid to open the attached link because her fear mongering rattled me.
Has it come to a place that we don’t trust the government that was voted in by a vast majority to perform from character? Are we all so afraid of our lower selves that we assume everyone else is trying to “do”us for their own self gain? Don’t Doctors take the Hypocratic oath?
I came home to find a close friend of mine at the end of her life just going into home hospice. She is 85 and has been fighting cancer for over 4 years. She has been courageous, vulnerable and a good friend. The truth is important to her and she is living these moments with authentic passion and presence. She has always lived in the moment. Her two Boomer children are with her and listening to her wishes. They are making choices for her funeral, her legacy and these last weeks of her life. The hour I spent alone with her the other day will stay with me forever. Her clear vision of character and authentic pursuit of life have been another model and star by which I will navigate my ship. I am acutely aware of how very lucky I’ve been to have had her friendship and the generous wisdom she has shared with me in the most trying of times. I was trying to comfort her and she has transformed me.
3 days later
In the time I have put this writing down, waiting to complete it at a more convenient and inspired moment, my friend has passed away. There is no waiting. Yesterday, on her last day of life, a ‘love feast’ was held at her house and I was invited to be in the company of her family and friends with whom she lived these 85 years. She had slipped into a calm sleep from which she would not wake and the word surreal was uttered by more than one person I spoke with. I have been in a fog since I received the news of her death this morning. It doesn’t get easier even with those who have had long and full lives. I know someone writing a play about a time “When everyone was alive” That is no longer the case and the future is well…apparently relentless. Now is all we have. Love up the one’s you love.
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