A Right Not A Privilege

Over the years I’ve often heard it asked as to one’s whereabouts when you heard that President Kennedy had been shot. I was as a skinny young kid watching the small and grainy black & white TV screen in our den in Levittown. In the days that followed I was moved by the sad cadence of the unfolding story as the country took in the gravity of that unalterable moment. And when Bobby Kennedy was shot in Los Angeles, I was also at home in the same den as the crushing news of the end to the candidacy and life of my first political hero was broadcast. It was the first presidential campaign I had ever worked on and I was at home awaiting the results of the Los Angeles primary and dreaming my young idealistic dreams. Those early voices that I’d heard for hope were gone.

And I will always remember where I was today when I learned that Ted Kennedy had died. Maybe it was because he succumbed to the same disease that had taken my Mother’s life and I empathized with his family for what I know was a long and difficult struggle watching their hero diminish. But more probably it’s because I’m mature enough now to truly understand the courage and work that it takes to make hope & dreams a reality and the historic crossroads we are at for affecting healthcare reform for the generations to come.

For decades, Ted Kennedy represented a clear and passionate voice for quality and affordable healthcare for every American. We are all living this same moment in a common place with the same challenges in front of us. We can decide now to remember this day as a time we altered our path to push for what we know to be a right and not a privilege in helping our fellow man. We can remember this moment as a time where new voices rose up to make a difference. Where new men and women assumed the mantels of the lions who had brought society so far.

I hope that I will always remember where I was when I got the inevitable news of Senator Kennedy’s death sitting with my small bowl of fruit in pajamas watching the morning news before rushing off into the dawns gleam. I hope I remember that I helped to make a difference for those less fortunate because I had been lucky in life and know in my heart that good healthcare is a right and not a privilege for all. Here, now and always.

Where were you?

The Truth Finds Us

Ezra Klein - Is the Government Going to Euthanize your Grandmother? An Interview With Sen. Johnny Isakson.

With the debate on healthcare reform gaining momentum this month, the personal stories of individuals and families either denied healthcare by their providers or without health insurance at all, are coming more into the public light. I’ve become a bit numb in my reaction to the stories having lived through my own medical maelstrom, but just scratching the surface a bit brings back the moments of panic that takes over your life when least expected. The issues around health, well-being, care and financial stability become the first and last thought of each day and the entire world is colored by the fluctuation in each arena.

That we as a generation and a society are at a turning point to help ourselves is not part of the debate. We all know it. We know it’s right to reform a system that is not functioning efficiently with the most important element of our lives; our health. (Our grandmothers and theirs before them knew that “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything”). We know it’s right to make healthcare available to every member of society, just as we make education, personal security and equal rights available.

As we watch the angry response to the inclusion of a measure that would have medicare pay for the consultation with a doctor of the patient's own choosing, in regards to end of life issues, it occurs to me that the need for the provision will be very clear to everyone when they find they are in that inevitable position themselves or with their parents, spouses or children. We all face the same challenges and no matter how strong or brave we are, we all need help.

The scenes being played out at the “town hall” meetings across the country demonstrate how much fear underlies all of healthcare. In the brief images I’ve seen, it’s reminiscent of the clips of the civil rights struggle in ending segregation in this country. The venom and fear mongering grows each day. As difficult as it is, our generation is confronting this fear and seeking the truth. It’s painful but liberating, and in the end, the truth finds us.

It's the economy stupid!

It’s the economy stupid! Man, being what he is, always responds best when his economic back is to the wall: he neutralizes ethics, family loyalty and spiritual beliefs when faced with the bottom line.

Easter Sunday of Passover week, we've seen the Judeo-Christian ethic in full commercialized display. Broadcasting the Ten Commandments and Franco Ziffereli’s Jesus Series, networks have put family values up front and center.

The holidays always evoke underlying emotion for me and this year was no different. For many months I’ve avoided touching upon the deep memories that make up my core. I go through periods of protecting myself from these uncomfortable feelings. Yet the image of Charleton Heston as Moses returning from the mountain, a changed man, after experiencing the burning bush, moved me. It’s a movie I’ve seen many times, but this time I reacted to this biblical moment differently. The story being a metaphor for our own struggle to achieve freedom from our own bondages in life, I related it to my inner changes from the searing truths I experienced confronting mortality and death. For months I’ve been working and wrestling as to how I can transform my personal experiences and revelations in Dying to Live-the journey into a man’s open heart to the greater public good. Taking up this mission of service and bringing it forth in the world has been tough.

I saw a show recently that made the following claim:

In the next decade, the amount of people working until they reach the age of 70 will increase by two-thirds.

Why? Because the bottom line demands it. The global economic downturn is going to have far reaching effects. It requires that we remain healthier longer; taking care of our ailing spouses and parents while we all grapple with maintaining and improving the quality of our own lives. It does NOT mean that less individuals will get sick! After all, cancer, heart disease and chronic illnesses will not turn away just because people need to continue to make a living. It does NOT mean that family members won’t die. It just means that we’ll be busier keeping food on the table and paying for insurance while caring for each other and surviving the human condition.

With this knowledge comes strength. We must be prepared to ask ourselves the difficult eternal questions now, before we are confronted with these challenges. If we are our brother’s keeper, then we must be prepared emotionally and financially, in our hearts and in our minds, for the tests that will inevitably come. Of course,there is the risk that in asking these questions we may find tough answers, but from this growth will come.

Loyalty, love and respect. The old traditions will become the new reality. Someone in each family must initiate the process and lead.

Ben Mittleman
Ben@dyingtolivethemovie.com
www.dyingtolivethemovie.com

New Beginnings

Yesterday would have been my 8th wedding anniversary with Valerie. For me it’s a time to remember the hope we had for our life together and a renewal of my hope for the future. With the election tomorrow, the last months and weeks have been specifically focused on the needs of average families across America. Their dreams and struggles have been brought into our homes each night as the candidates attempt to identify and carve out policy that will address the pressing issues facing us all. There is no doubt that issues surrounding healthcare will be at the forefront for the next administration. Each family is or will be facing circumstances regarding mortality, loss, spousal illness and parental dependence. This is our common reality and no one goes untouched. How to be prepared, prevent, pay for and emotionally survive these challenges will require the support of institutions, families and friends. Over the past months I’ve watched screenings of “Dying to Live” provide a cathartic forum and a catalyst for discussion by audiences relating to these truths of the human condition. As the film “illuminates the remarkable resiliency of the human spirit” they’ve been confronted to acknowledge the toughest decisions they face in their own lives. Watching one man face his own searing truth has enabled audiences to touch their greatest fears and begin to address them.

Recently I have been drawn into circles of orgs with specific missions of education and support for a variety of health and social issues. I’ve learned that my friend Joe Pantoliano has founded an organization called “No Kidding, Me Too!” This is a nonprofit org. comprised of entertainment industry members united in an effort to educate Americans about the epidemic related to brain dis-ease in all forms. The website is www.nokiddingmetoo.org Their work is both inspirational and moving, providing support to “Remove the Stigma!” for those affected by mental illness.

Discovering work like NKM2 brings with it hope in our ability to find new ways to use media to make a positive impact on society and the world. See you on the other side of the election when we all begin to move forward together.

Going to Jacksonville

I just found a summary review of the movie in the NY Times: http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/453071/
Dying-to-Live-The-Journey-Into-a-Man-s-Open-Heart/overview

I don’t remember being mentioned in the NY Times since I my first starring role in a film, “Moving Violations” for Paramount in 1983 and again when I appeared on stage in John Shaner’s play “After Crystal Night” in NYC later in the 80’s. The thing about any kind of review is; “If you believe the good one’s, you have to believe the bad one’s” In this case I’m drawn to the comment in the Times about “how the demands of maturity can make themselves known at nearly any age.” The hits keep on coming and I’m doing the best I can. Last night I got a phone call from my friend Peggy. She must be in her mid 80’s. Very frail and tiny. Valerie used to call her Twee. She was like an auntie to Valerie. She asked if I would take her over to the Emergency Room at Cedar Sinai here in Los Angeles. She was experiencing vertigo, shortness of breath and a fever. I said I’d be there in 5 minutes and was, but I must admit that I was very uncomfortable being back in the hospital called on yet again to hold someone’s hand. Maturity for me is not, as I might have hoped, a passage in life that ultimately occurs at a certain point in time and than exists. It needs to be worked on at the most unexpected times. I realize most people understand this, but for me it’s always a new realization. Here I am thinking that I’ve grown-up in living thru all of my experience with mortality, care-giving and death. Than the making of this film relating my personal truths and the gratification of bringing it to an audience that could use it to address difficult issues in their own lives. Now I was asked to be there again for a friend and I resented it. I was uncomfortable. Not wanting to change my routine and forgo my needs.

I’ve been speaking after many screenings of Dying to Live discussing end of life issues. A common thread for me is stating that we give so much attention to life when it’s brought into the world and the same care should be given when a life is beginning to leave the world. Last night I consciously had to work on my patience. It’s still tough being an "adult."

I’m getting ready to leave for the Jacksonville Film Festival on Saturday. We screen there on May 19. It will be great to get an audience reaction to the movie in an entirely different region of the country and discuss these issues.

East Coast Visit

After the film finished it’s run in LA on March 27, I took it to the Media Festival for the Joint Conference for The American Society on Aging and The National Council on Aging in Washington D.C. on March 29. The film played to a good audience that was extremely involved and interactive after the screening. We were in front of our core audience that understood the film on many levels and was able to give me specific input about distribution and marketing that we’re beginning to implement. The entire spirit of the convention was so upbeat and full of life. I was proud to be included in their company and see the movie be embraced by this audience

After having some meetings in the D.C area in regards to planning future screening events in the area, I went up to NYC to begin to look for distribution in the city and discuss doing a benefit for a wonderful caregiving model organization called Share the Care

The Los Angeles Premiere

The premiere of dying to Live on March 13 was a success raising $6000 for The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation and the Los Angeles Caregivers Resource Center. The film got very emotional and positive responses from the sold out hose. There were over 250 people in attendance. Bob Landau, my editor, was quite moving at the post screening Q&A in saying that “usually you go into making a movie with a friend and by the time you finish you’re barely speaking”. In this case he said “he came out of the film with a new friend” and by this time he was crying. I feel the same about him and this reflects on how the entire experience of the movie is playing out. I am surprised by the continuous authentic expression of emotion the movie generates. It is humbling and inspiring.

My sister, brother-in-law, nephews and niece and several friends flew across the country to be there. My niece Eva made a special point in a card she wrote thanking me for the legacy I was leaving the family. The entire evening and days leading up to it are special in my memory. My team pulled together to make it all come together ad we rode a bit of an emotional rollercoaster until the screening was fully realized.

We played at the Laemmle Music Hall for two weeks. The film received very good reviews and articles that were positive, insightful and constructive for both the audience and me. Though the movie didn’t connect with everyone, which was to be expected. I had to remind myself of the old actor’s adage “If you believe the good reviews, you have to believe the bad one’s” For me. I made the best film I could make of a story I had to tell. I’d gone pretty far out on a limb both in content and style. Thankfully for promotion sake our press was really good.

Most importantly for me the film began to find it’s true audience. I conducted Q&A’s after every 7:30 showing for the entire run and found the comments to be strong and open. So many people related personally to the circumstances of story and the issues it raises around mortality and death. Over time I’ve learned more about how to position the film so that it can have the greatest exposure and reach the broadest demographics.

A caregiver who has been taking care of several members of her family was sobbing after one of the showings and immediately said to me “Now I know why I do what I do”. I believe this is my feeling too in about making the film. I believe I’m working and living as authentically as I can and I’m now able to have some perspective on the entire process of getting the film opened and digesting the reactions. One woman saw the film as universally healing and insightful in helping her to deal with her aging mother. Another guy was looking for strength to help his brother as they prepared to confront their parents ultimate needs. People continued to relate their own stories and I heard a woman tearfully & breathlessly tell of her 70 year old brother just having had a double lung transplant. I related specifically to her weeks of being on constant call for him and acting his sole advocate with his doctors. It is rare to have a lung transplant past 60. It was because she advocated for him them the doctors relented. Everyone needs an advocate at times of serious illness or near the end of their life.

The stories went on. A woman admitting she was in a constant battle with her brother over whether to keep a feeding tube in their father when he was unable to make that decision for himself and another family revealing they had lost their 30 year old son to a heart attack while he was playing basketball. I’ve kept saying that my life was no different than anyone else’s. I just happened to have a camera turned on. The audiences were glad to have a place to vent heir own stories and relieve the feelings they were continuing to keep inside. These events affect everyone.

The catalyst I’d hoped the film to be to provoke audiences was happening. Someone who had seen the film twice told me he was finally taking the healthcare system into his own hands and seeking out the proper medical care he long avoided because he’d realized the importance of keeping himself healthy for the sake of his family.

There were discussions about relationships, faith, family, traditions, the healthcare system, end of life issues and bereavement. Intense and engaging 40 minute sessions that continued into the lobby when the next screening began.

Sometimes the audiences were large and sometimes small but they were always engaged with the content of the film