Valerie 2011
My wife Valerie died ten years ago this summer. I have been spending the quiet moments between my work remembering her. This summer is no different than any other. I think of her all the time. It’s momentous that a decade has passed since she left. Her bright hazel eyes and endless smile leap forth. Her laugh and passionate tears hum in the trees. Her super human strength and goodness inspire my work. She left a hole in my heart that can’t be filled and yet I go on connected to her eternally, forever.
Valerie died from Mesothelioma. She fought hard to overcome the disease. The grace she displayed during a struggle that explored all curative options was profound to witness. In her honor, I have committed to undertaking the professional and personal challenge of fulfilling my potential even at this later stage of life. I follow the prayer I say for her when I ask for the elevation of her soul and the ability to fulfill her wishes, strengthen her legacy and take guidance from her life and spirit. As she told me in her last months, “Make the most of each day, love up the ones you love and put other people first. I think I’ve done a pretty good job." I am trying.
So now I turn the page, celebrating Valerie, who made such a big difference to so many lives and to mine.
Remember. Remember and hold on tight. You will be challenged and distracted and the appeals of your lower self will arise, but extinguish those desires with the flush of love and hope. Never give up. Never give in. Do the best you can because it’s good and believe in what you know and what you’ve lived. It was and is real and true. Guard and pursue truth. It is the blood of relationships and in the end these are what matter. S’aggapo Aggapimu. I love you my love.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian died 10 years to the day after Valerie. There’s a synchronistic irony that they should be linked. As weird a personality as he was, I know she would have liked to have met him at the end of her life. It’s funny what you choose to remember or not remember about someone you love who is gone. I’m choosing to remember it all. The last nine days of Valerie’s life when she chose not to eat because she knew she was only feeding the tumors that were causing her so much pain and killing her slowly. She “Wanted out now!” Kervorkian could have helped. This was not a hypothetical case. This was my wife,who I would have given my own life for to free her of pain or misery. I supported her decisions then as I support those of individuals and families who make them now.
“As a result of his advocacy for the right of the terminally ill to choose how they die, hospice care has boomed in the United States and physicians have become more sympathetic to their pain and more willing to prescribe medications to relieve it “
Kervorkian was seen by a world trying to make sense of how best to care for loved one’s at the end of their life. Valerie was seen by those closest to her as she bravely chose to end her life. We witnessed her grace, dignity and strength and we will always remember her joy and love. Always ready for everything life had to offer. She wanted it all.
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