From Abroad

I’m in Paris reading headlines on the internet that “Healthcare Talks Advance in the Senate” It makes me proud to be an American and watch from afar as the process works itself out and the right thing gets done. It’s great not watching the clawing and gnashing on cable news, but experiencing again the written press. Newspapers are not dead. You’re able to digest information without having hundreds of images and emotions dumped on you.

I just finished reading Ted Kennedy’s memoirs. His decades old commitment to healthcare reform was not a myth. It’s in the record. Now we are here watching some courageous and persistent statesmen put a mark on history that will bring security and quality to the lives of many more of our neighbors, friends and family. The encouragement we give them and each other to make the tough choices, which are long overdue, to enact healthcare reform will be something we all can be proud of for the rest of our lives. Persist.

It's Official!

Today Dying to Live- the journey into a man’s open heart becomes available officially through Passion River Films at a variety of retail outlets online. i.e. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Best Buy, Target and Netflix. This statement in itself is a blatant chest beating to a newly discovered marketing rhythm, but what is invisible, in all of the graphics and synchronized talking points about this film experience, is the breath of humanity that filled the creative sails on this journey. I’ve spoken about how lucky I have been in life and today I am experiencing this more profoundly than before. It is not the intense emotional high of my early work in the theater, business or my personal relationships, but a deeper sense and trust of self, molded by my family, friends, colleagues and fellow seekers.

Perhaps it is knowing that I am beginning a new chapter, that I am able to walk away from this table today without looking back because I now own all of my experience. The love I shared with my family, wife and friends. Which I was able to receive and give releases me now. A revived freedom arrives rooted in the work of expressing fully my truths.

I am aware that the work doesn’t end. That tomorrow, somewhere I’ll be pulling my shoes on to walk up a hill. But for this briefest of moments today, with fingers pulling words that embrace momentarily the souls who blessed me with the inspiration and will to keep moving in the dark. Today it’s official. I am a man giving thanks to those who have gone before and gracefully given me so much.

Almost 10 Years

I had my first stress echo on my heart in more than 4 years and all is good. I even surpassed my stress levels of my last test. My Doctor informed me that there is no leak in my valve and it all looked very good. In fact, I looked the best to him since I first started seeing him 7-8 years ago.

All good to hear. Over the course of the year, I’ve been to several other physicians to have a an overall check-up (prostate, liver, etc), to have my varicose vein removed from my right leg, and to have several pre-cancerous lesions removed by a dermatologist. I needed to see a hematologist regarding low platelet readings that have been going on for several years and required a MTI and CAT scan of my liver and spleen. I saw an orthopedic surgeon with an accompanying CAT scan of my right knee revealing a torn meniscus, which I am trying to rehab to forgo the suggested surgery for now. Not uneventful this year, but overall my health is good. I work at my exercise, diet, rest and mental health. I give and receive love from Catherine, my family and friends. I forgot to list a trip to the emergency room in Marseilles a year ago in the fall when I was constipated for about 10 days, which was very uncomfortable, as I was concerned it could have been an obstruction or something.

They've got me working again. This is life.

It’s becoming a bit of maintenance.

But what occurred to me as I lay again on my left side in a quiet dark room all wired up, seeing images of my beating heart out of the corner of my eye and hearing the swoosh of the blood flow over the machines speakers, is how all of the old feelings return immediately. The fear and apprehension that perhaps this time they will find something in the echo that’s not right or that you’ll hear the words that I came to know as “the kiss of death.: “This is interesting” or “Let me see if the Doctor is still here”.. These phrases inevitably signaled for me the beginning of a new medical adventure and a ride on a euphemistic emotional roller coaster. It was not the case on Wednesday, October 28, 2009. I was fine, almost 10 years (2 months shy) of my open-heart surgery.

I repeat it often. I’m lucky. As much because my genes, regime, medical care and primary heart surgery are working and keeping me well, but also it’s because I have the health insurance to stay on top of my conditions and raise early warning flags when more serious problems arise. I have always had a great plan of coverage through my union The Screen Actors Guild, which brings me to wonder, What if I didn’t? Where would I be? Would I be alive today?

It's Sinking In

It’s finally beginning to sink in to me that passion alone is not enough to affect change, persistence is the key. Always had heard that cliché “perspiration not inspiration” brings success. Not particularly poetic for one who has delved into the arts as his raison d’etre, but in the end the relentless pursuit for truth and justice takes time and focused energy.

Two weeks ago, I watched the Senate Finance Committee finish it’s deliberations and “mark up” of the bill they ultimately recommended to the Senate. For all of the intense animosity that has gone back and forth between the two parties, it was remarkable to see the negotiative legislative process at work. Taking a step back from the passion driving the move towards healthcare reform, it was obvious to see that both sides care about the issue. They burnt the midnight oil, tried to remain civil and looked for ways to agree. After watching the debates on the issues it was apparent to me that common ground exists. However small, it’s the place from where this reform is coming from. The ego stroking aside, I witnessed, along with anyone who cared to be lulled by the obscure language and parliamentary protocol, a process of which I am confident (but not certain), that will deliver far reaching benefits for our society as a whole.

The news of that week from the House of Representatives was not Rep. Grayson of Orlando Florida dissing the Republicans, but rather his impassioned acknowledgement of the incredibly high number of Americans that are dying each day in this country without healthcare. Lives are being lost by continued inaction and Grayson continues to make the case each day and each hour of the expanding cost to human life thru inactivity. His upfront, in your face presentations make it impossible to avoid. Attention must be paid to the fact that the longer we do nothing, the more people will die. That’s exactly what happened during the Holocaust and the mantra thereafter was “Never Again”. I’m sure today families are huddled again feeling persecuted by a society that hasn’t had the time or awareness to help them attain what I believe to be their right. Having affordable and quality healthcare insurance for themselves and their families. We’ve all become callous to death while watching the latest “entertainments” on television and in film. Hundreds of violent and horrific images are flashed before us in a moments time. But a death lasts within a family forever. It marks us deeply.

If government exists for any good reason, it is to protect its citizens. No one wants to get sick and it is our common duty to protect and help our neighbors when their health is threatened just as if the physical security were threatened. There are too many people one healthcare crisis away from financial ruin and unconscionable numbers are dying each day without the coverage that would save their lives. It is our duty to speak of it every hour of each day until our lips are parched and our energy drained until something gets done.

It's On Everyone's Mind

Take a look at this article: The Case for Killing Granny

I sat in the front seat of my friend Jim’s car this week listening to his diatribe about the insurance industry. He is an Ear, Nose and Throat Surgeon who has a practice of 40% medicare and medical patients. Livid over having to fight tooth and nail every day for care for his patients. He wants to retire and is not able to find anyone to assume the responsibility and care for his patients. I’ve rarely seen a man as angry. A man who has performed for humanity for the better part of a 30 odd year career. Desperate for a public option for HIMSELF! Where are the voices to rise up in this country. The voices of reason and humanity needed to be heard above the rabble of ignorance and greed. I wish I’d had a camera on him tonight. He was brilliant in the dim street lights. People are having these conversations everywhere seeking to find the road to affordable quality healthcare for all. We all get it don’t we? People are suffering and dying because they don’t have health insurance or as he put it, the way the insurance companies make a profit is by taking our premiums and refusing care. THEY didn’t take the Hippocratic oath. They are a business. Truthfully it would be wrong if they weren’t trying to make a profit for their shareholders and owners. But we can’t be held hostage by insurance companies. Make them compete with government who is working for the people. Am I blind or out of my mind completely? What is the freedom we are all fighting for? I’ve said this before. I’m lucky. I have good insurance and haven’t been refused care ever. Also I have the wherewithal to pay for care. I am able to pick up a phone and make an appointment any time I want. A very famous writer friend of mine is in disbelief that I still believe in doctors and medicine. It’s science for God’s sake. Tested as far as possible to the day. I know Doctor’s PRACTICE medicine, but they watch the statistics of millions of trials and use what works the best historically. Do you want to create the wheel again??? Go ahead and try, but until than I’ll drive my car and bicycle. To hear the continuous stream of stories of our neighbors being denied care or going bankrupt because of medical bills. What is that? Bad luck. Should have been smarter in school. Tried harder. Saved More. Where does the hysterical fear of me wanting what you have come from? I won’t know until I give it all away, but I’d like to sit in a room with Max Baucus or any of the Democratic and Republicans that are opposed to an equitable resolution to reform. Want to wait another 15 years? That’s about how long since Bill Clinton tried to move forward. Not good for me. I’ll very likely be dead like those before me, unable to enjoy the knowledge that our fellow countrymen will not have to fear sleepless night’s worrying about whether or not they can get treatment for themselves and their families for what hurts. As simple as that. Now in 2009.

Are you surprised that everybody is discussing healthcare reform? I know tonight over dinner the conversation will turn that way again with the two physicians we’ll eat with. Even at the expense of rewinding my same mantra in front of my girlfriend for the umpteenth time in the last 4 weeks. The conversation must be had and it can’t be stated strongly enough. The time for change is now. “Respect must be paid” Especially to the elderly who are walking around in fear that their coverage will disappear or not be afforded or worse yet that they will be euthanized.

My older friend Peggy who is in her mid 80’s, who I met thru Valerie, is scared to death that there will be no benefits left for her. Watching the fear on FOX every night. Petrified in her 90 pound skeleton shell. A life well lived believing that she will be abandoned in a country far greater than her native England. I hear the Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity talking points stumbling out of her mouth with fear and force. Did not the President refute these claims this week. There are no “Death Panels”, Medicare services will not be reduced much less taken away.

I was sitting at a “family style” table at a local favorite lunch place. “Le Pain Quotodien” (bread of the day) a bit pretentious probably but Catherine my girlfriend lives over the original in Brussels and its really simple food, salads, pastries etc. An older couple sat across from us and I heard them energetically discussing potential reforms to the healthcare system. They were in thier late 70’s early 80’s and I don’t believe they were married. In fact it sounded more like a date conversation with both their points of views be laid on the table. As I reached over to get the sugar laden jams to sweeten my brunch I told them that I had overheard some of their discussion and that I was glad they were discussing the subject as it’s obvious the results of action by Congress will affect us all and I believed their generation was in a position to lead because they’ve seemingly been dismissed as active players in it all. We have to remember that it was under their forethought decades ago that we got Social Security and Medicare. I can’t help seeing older people without being reminded of my Mother and the trust I had in her decision-making. Well they sparked to the conversation and wanted to make their thoughts known on a variety of issues. In fact I need to realize that I can’t open that door without being prepared to listen and listen. Folks are concerned and it is an issue that I sense people feel more connected to than the economy, which seems like big magic and war, which seems like bad magic. In fact these two trusted the President and were not as sure about the Congress. They felt the country had given a mandate for change in the election and wanted it followed.

I’m off to see a buddy who had back surgery this week. He’s miserable. We have to take care of each other. That’s what it’s all about.

A Right Not A Privilege

Over the years I’ve often heard it asked as to one’s whereabouts when you heard that President Kennedy had been shot. I was as a skinny young kid watching the small and grainy black & white TV screen in our den in Levittown. In the days that followed I was moved by the sad cadence of the unfolding story as the country took in the gravity of that unalterable moment. And when Bobby Kennedy was shot in Los Angeles, I was also at home in the same den as the crushing news of the end to the candidacy and life of my first political hero was broadcast. It was the first presidential campaign I had ever worked on and I was at home awaiting the results of the Los Angeles primary and dreaming my young idealistic dreams. Those early voices that I’d heard for hope were gone.

And I will always remember where I was today when I learned that Ted Kennedy had died. Maybe it was because he succumbed to the same disease that had taken my Mother’s life and I empathized with his family for what I know was a long and difficult struggle watching their hero diminish. But more probably it’s because I’m mature enough now to truly understand the courage and work that it takes to make hope & dreams a reality and the historic crossroads we are at for affecting healthcare reform for the generations to come.

For decades, Ted Kennedy represented a clear and passionate voice for quality and affordable healthcare for every American. We are all living this same moment in a common place with the same challenges in front of us. We can decide now to remember this day as a time we altered our path to push for what we know to be a right and not a privilege in helping our fellow man. We can remember this moment as a time where new voices rose up to make a difference. Where new men and women assumed the mantels of the lions who had brought society so far.

I hope that I will always remember where I was when I got the inevitable news of Senator Kennedy’s death sitting with my small bowl of fruit in pajamas watching the morning news before rushing off into the dawns gleam. I hope I remember that I helped to make a difference for those less fortunate because I had been lucky in life and know in my heart that good healthcare is a right and not a privilege for all. Here, now and always.

Where were you?

The Truth Finds Us

Ezra Klein - Is the Government Going to Euthanize your Grandmother? An Interview With Sen. Johnny Isakson.

With the debate on healthcare reform gaining momentum this month, the personal stories of individuals and families either denied healthcare by their providers or without health insurance at all, are coming more into the public light. I’ve become a bit numb in my reaction to the stories having lived through my own medical maelstrom, but just scratching the surface a bit brings back the moments of panic that takes over your life when least expected. The issues around health, well-being, care and financial stability become the first and last thought of each day and the entire world is colored by the fluctuation in each arena.

That we as a generation and a society are at a turning point to help ourselves is not part of the debate. We all know it. We know it’s right to reform a system that is not functioning efficiently with the most important element of our lives; our health. (Our grandmothers and theirs before them knew that “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything”). We know it’s right to make healthcare available to every member of society, just as we make education, personal security and equal rights available.

As we watch the angry response to the inclusion of a measure that would have medicare pay for the consultation with a doctor of the patient's own choosing, in regards to end of life issues, it occurs to me that the need for the provision will be very clear to everyone when they find they are in that inevitable position themselves or with their parents, spouses or children. We all face the same challenges and no matter how strong or brave we are, we all need help.

The scenes being played out at the “town hall” meetings across the country demonstrate how much fear underlies all of healthcare. In the brief images I’ve seen, it’s reminiscent of the clips of the civil rights struggle in ending segregation in this country. The venom and fear mongering grows each day. As difficult as it is, our generation is confronting this fear and seeking the truth. It’s painful but liberating, and in the end, the truth finds us.

It's the economy stupid!

It’s the economy stupid! Man, being what he is, always responds best when his economic back is to the wall: he neutralizes ethics, family loyalty and spiritual beliefs when faced with the bottom line.

Easter Sunday of Passover week, we've seen the Judeo-Christian ethic in full commercialized display. Broadcasting the Ten Commandments and Franco Ziffereli’s Jesus Series, networks have put family values up front and center.

The holidays always evoke underlying emotion for me and this year was no different. For many months I’ve avoided touching upon the deep memories that make up my core. I go through periods of protecting myself from these uncomfortable feelings. Yet the image of Charleton Heston as Moses returning from the mountain, a changed man, after experiencing the burning bush, moved me. It’s a movie I’ve seen many times, but this time I reacted to this biblical moment differently. The story being a metaphor for our own struggle to achieve freedom from our own bondages in life, I related it to my inner changes from the searing truths I experienced confronting mortality and death. For months I’ve been working and wrestling as to how I can transform my personal experiences and revelations in Dying to Live-the journey into a man’s open heart to the greater public good. Taking up this mission of service and bringing it forth in the world has been tough.

I saw a show recently that made the following claim:

In the next decade, the amount of people working until they reach the age of 70 will increase by two-thirds.

Why? Because the bottom line demands it. The global economic downturn is going to have far reaching effects. It requires that we remain healthier longer; taking care of our ailing spouses and parents while we all grapple with maintaining and improving the quality of our own lives. It does NOT mean that less individuals will get sick! After all, cancer, heart disease and chronic illnesses will not turn away just because people need to continue to make a living. It does NOT mean that family members won’t die. It just means that we’ll be busier keeping food on the table and paying for insurance while caring for each other and surviving the human condition.

With this knowledge comes strength. We must be prepared to ask ourselves the difficult eternal questions now, before we are confronted with these challenges. If we are our brother’s keeper, then we must be prepared emotionally and financially, in our hearts and in our minds, for the tests that will inevitably come. Of course,there is the risk that in asking these questions we may find tough answers, but from this growth will come.

Loyalty, love and respect. The old traditions will become the new reality. Someone in each family must initiate the process and lead.

Ben Mittleman
Ben@dyingtolivethemovie.com
www.dyingtolivethemovie.com