New Beginnings

Yesterday would have been my 8th wedding anniversary with Valerie. For me it’s a time to remember the hope we had for our life together and a renewal of my hope for the future. With the election tomorrow, the last months and weeks have been specifically focused on the needs of average families across America. Their dreams and struggles have been brought into our homes each night as the candidates attempt to identify and carve out policy that will address the pressing issues facing us all. There is no doubt that issues surrounding healthcare will be at the forefront for the next administration. Each family is or will be facing circumstances regarding mortality, loss, spousal illness and parental dependence. This is our common reality and no one goes untouched. How to be prepared, prevent, pay for and emotionally survive these challenges will require the support of institutions, families and friends. Over the past months I’ve watched screenings of “Dying to Live” provide a cathartic forum and a catalyst for discussion by audiences relating to these truths of the human condition. As the film “illuminates the remarkable resiliency of the human spirit” they’ve been confronted to acknowledge the toughest decisions they face in their own lives. Watching one man face his own searing truth has enabled audiences to touch their greatest fears and begin to address them.

Recently I have been drawn into circles of orgs with specific missions of education and support for a variety of health and social issues. I’ve learned that my friend Joe Pantoliano has founded an organization called “No Kidding, Me Too!” This is a nonprofit org. comprised of entertainment industry members united in an effort to educate Americans about the epidemic related to brain dis-ease in all forms. The website is www.nokiddingmetoo.org Their work is both inspirational and moving, providing support to “Remove the Stigma!” for those affected by mental illness.

Discovering work like NKM2 brings with it hope in our ability to find new ways to use media to make a positive impact on society and the world. See you on the other side of the election when we all begin to move forward together.

Going to Jacksonville

I just found a summary review of the movie in the NY Times: http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/453071/
Dying-to-Live-The-Journey-Into-a-Man-s-Open-Heart/overview

I don’t remember being mentioned in the NY Times since I my first starring role in a film, “Moving Violations” for Paramount in 1983 and again when I appeared on stage in John Shaner’s play “After Crystal Night” in NYC later in the 80’s. The thing about any kind of review is; “If you believe the good one’s, you have to believe the bad one’s” In this case I’m drawn to the comment in the Times about “how the demands of maturity can make themselves known at nearly any age.” The hits keep on coming and I’m doing the best I can. Last night I got a phone call from my friend Peggy. She must be in her mid 80’s. Very frail and tiny. Valerie used to call her Twee. She was like an auntie to Valerie. She asked if I would take her over to the Emergency Room at Cedar Sinai here in Los Angeles. She was experiencing vertigo, shortness of breath and a fever. I said I’d be there in 5 minutes and was, but I must admit that I was very uncomfortable being back in the hospital called on yet again to hold someone’s hand. Maturity for me is not, as I might have hoped, a passage in life that ultimately occurs at a certain point in time and than exists. It needs to be worked on at the most unexpected times. I realize most people understand this, but for me it’s always a new realization. Here I am thinking that I’ve grown-up in living thru all of my experience with mortality, care-giving and death. Than the making of this film relating my personal truths and the gratification of bringing it to an audience that could use it to address difficult issues in their own lives. Now I was asked to be there again for a friend and I resented it. I was uncomfortable. Not wanting to change my routine and forgo my needs.

I’ve been speaking after many screenings of Dying to Live discussing end of life issues. A common thread for me is stating that we give so much attention to life when it’s brought into the world and the same care should be given when a life is beginning to leave the world. Last night I consciously had to work on my patience. It’s still tough being an "adult."

I’m getting ready to leave for the Jacksonville Film Festival on Saturday. We screen there on May 19. It will be great to get an audience reaction to the movie in an entirely different region of the country and discuss these issues.

East Coast Visit

After the film finished it’s run in LA on March 27, I took it to the Media Festival for the Joint Conference for The American Society on Aging and The National Council on Aging in Washington D.C. on March 29. The film played to a good audience that was extremely involved and interactive after the screening. We were in front of our core audience that understood the film on many levels and was able to give me specific input about distribution and marketing that we’re beginning to implement. The entire spirit of the convention was so upbeat and full of life. I was proud to be included in their company and see the movie be embraced by this audience

After having some meetings in the D.C area in regards to planning future screening events in the area, I went up to NYC to begin to look for distribution in the city and discuss doing a benefit for a wonderful caregiving model organization called Share the Care

The Los Angeles Premiere

The premiere of dying to Live on March 13 was a success raising $6000 for The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation and the Los Angeles Caregivers Resource Center. The film got very emotional and positive responses from the sold out hose. There were over 250 people in attendance. Bob Landau, my editor, was quite moving at the post screening Q&A in saying that “usually you go into making a movie with a friend and by the time you finish you’re barely speaking”. In this case he said “he came out of the film with a new friend” and by this time he was crying. I feel the same about him and this reflects on how the entire experience of the movie is playing out. I am surprised by the continuous authentic expression of emotion the movie generates. It is humbling and inspiring.

My sister, brother-in-law, nephews and niece and several friends flew across the country to be there. My niece Eva made a special point in a card she wrote thanking me for the legacy I was leaving the family. The entire evening and days leading up to it are special in my memory. My team pulled together to make it all come together ad we rode a bit of an emotional rollercoaster until the screening was fully realized.

We played at the Laemmle Music Hall for two weeks. The film received very good reviews and articles that were positive, insightful and constructive for both the audience and me. Though the movie didn’t connect with everyone, which was to be expected. I had to remind myself of the old actor’s adage “If you believe the good reviews, you have to believe the bad one’s” For me. I made the best film I could make of a story I had to tell. I’d gone pretty far out on a limb both in content and style. Thankfully for promotion sake our press was really good.

Most importantly for me the film began to find it’s true audience. I conducted Q&A’s after every 7:30 showing for the entire run and found the comments to be strong and open. So many people related personally to the circumstances of story and the issues it raises around mortality and death. Over time I’ve learned more about how to position the film so that it can have the greatest exposure and reach the broadest demographics.

A caregiver who has been taking care of several members of her family was sobbing after one of the showings and immediately said to me “Now I know why I do what I do”. I believe this is my feeling too in about making the film. I believe I’m working and living as authentically as I can and I’m now able to have some perspective on the entire process of getting the film opened and digesting the reactions. One woman saw the film as universally healing and insightful in helping her to deal with her aging mother. Another guy was looking for strength to help his brother as they prepared to confront their parents ultimate needs. People continued to relate their own stories and I heard a woman tearfully & breathlessly tell of her 70 year old brother just having had a double lung transplant. I related specifically to her weeks of being on constant call for him and acting his sole advocate with his doctors. It is rare to have a lung transplant past 60. It was because she advocated for him them the doctors relented. Everyone needs an advocate at times of serious illness or near the end of their life.

The stories went on. A woman admitting she was in a constant battle with her brother over whether to keep a feeding tube in their father when he was unable to make that decision for himself and another family revealing they had lost their 30 year old son to a heart attack while he was playing basketball. I’ve kept saying that my life was no different than anyone else’s. I just happened to have a camera turned on. The audiences were glad to have a place to vent heir own stories and relieve the feelings they were continuing to keep inside. These events affect everyone.

The catalyst I’d hoped the film to be to provoke audiences was happening. Someone who had seen the film twice told me he was finally taking the healthcare system into his own hands and seeking out the proper medical care he long avoided because he’d realized the importance of keeping himself healthy for the sake of his family.

There were discussions about relationships, faith, family, traditions, the healthcare system, end of life issues and bereavement. Intense and engaging 40 minute sessions that continued into the lobby when the next screening began.

Sometimes the audiences were large and sometimes small but they were always engaged with the content of the film

Tribute to Mom

I have an acquaintance at my synagogue, Gary Karz, who I have known for the last seven years. He started attending to say memorial prayers (kaddish) at the same time I was saying kaddish for my wife Valerie. He was saying kaddish for his mother at the time. He's a very nice guy, gracious and smart with a dry sense of humor.

He recently became aware of Dying to Live from the promotional work we have been doing in preparation for the premiere on March 13. He sent me an email with his own story about his mother, which parallels a lot of the same experiences that I had with Valerie and my Mom. It is very well written and quite informative. We've been in close proximity for many years, but I never knew this story. It brings out a point that was made when I screened Dying to Live for the Men's Center of Los Angeles, that you only see a small part of the person standing in front of you.

Please take a moment to check out Tribute to Mom by Gary Karz and his family.

Affordable Healthcare

Last night I came face to face with one of the big challenges of our generation. It wasn’t theoretical - it was real. Uninsured families. A childhood friend who I have known since I was 3 years old, invited me to dinner so that I could see his Mom. She was visiting from back east for the first time since she lost her husband last spring. I’ve know them 55 years and it was a belated condolence call for me, which never gets any easier no matter how many people I’ve lost personally or who I have known to pass on.

Although I’d seen my friend recently, I hadn’t seen his Mom and it brought back terrific memories of good times we shared on Long Island with my parents. It reminded me of the music and laughs which flowed through our home.

At one point I made a comment about the very tasty sweet wine that was being served at this Friday night Shabbat meal. The conversation turned to my friend’s blood sugars, his elevated triglyceride levels and the fact that neither he, nor his wife or son, who was away at college, had health insurance. My friend is 55 and his Dad had diabetes. He’s never had a colonoscopy, does not get annual check-ups and does not have an interest to do anything for his own health. I could feel his mother sitting next to me, exhaling slowly, listening to a conversation that must be difficult to have with a son who is a Wharton school graduate and very smart. Too smart.

The conversation then turned to the huge expense it would take to cover the entire family for a man working two separate jobs as a high level accountant, sometimes getting only 3 hours of sleep a night. He was still having trouble making ends meet enough to send his son to college and wasn’t able to afford health insurance for his family.

I had no response. I was speechless. This is reality. Not mine but the reality of the real world. I just told him that he had to get a physical. That so many diseases, when diagnosed early, were very treatable. He is in that age group, over 50 when you just need to be more proactive. There must be a way to get an internist for a reasonable cost to do a complete physical and check any problem areas.

There was a whole conversation about how he used to get a physical from the life insurance companies but how that has changed now that he has life but no medical. It was upsetting for me. I thought that maybe I should help him find a way to pay for it. What about everyone else that is sitting at home waiting for a time bomb to go off and not prepared to go anywhere to take care of it?

I said something about it seeming reasonable to set up a physical for about $250-$300 and he asked if the colonoscopy would be thrown in with that. I could not understand how such a smart guy could be so ignorant about a procedure that could save a life if administered in time. Yes there is another argument about many of these preventative procedures being over prescribed but I believe it’s commonly accepted that when you reach 50 you have one. What about checking your prostate once a year? It’s simple and can prevent a bunch of anguish down the line.

How do you educate a population of educated people, much less uneducated people, about their best interests regarding health? Because if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything. If you wait too long, you may not be able to do anything about it. We need universal healthcare that’s affordable, accessible and of good quality. This is a social priority.

Thoughts beginning to come forth...

Last week I was asked to participate on a panel seeking to set out a bi-partisan platform on healthcare reform for whoever the eventual candidates are for the presidency. It was sponsored by the Creative Coalition and The Partnership to Fight Chronic Disease. The panel was moderated by former U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona (2002-2006) and included several healthcare experts who focused on the fact that chronic disease is the leading cause of death and disability in the U.S. and accounts for the vast majority of healthcare spending. I was there to put a personal face on chronic illness.

It was the first time that I’d told the story of Dying to Live - the journey into a man’s open heart to such a large audience. It was also an audience of theatre, film and TV people including a number of celebrities. The response was strong and I’m beginning to realize that many of the thoughts I’ve had about the resonance of the issues of the film are beginning to come forth. I’m not that different than any of the folks in that audience or many others regarding the medical and personal challenges I’ve encountered. I just happened to have a camera turned on while the events of my life played out. But in one regard I am different than a number of other audiences that may see the film. I had the resources to confront many of the challenges with insurance and I had the time and means to provide caregiving to my loved ones when it was most needed. This theme is becoming consistent in all the conversations I am having after screening and discussing the film.

I’m beginning to get into the loop of people who want to make changes in society in a variety of ways. Some of it gets a bit heady to be in the company of people whose work I’ve appreciated for along time. The case in point was an invitation to attend the AARP Magazine “Movies for Grownups” awards. As you know AARP caters to the above 50 demographic in the US and has an active involvement in supporting quality entertainment for this part of the population. I found interest in the film that evening and am hoping that AARP may review the film or do an article on it as the film is really for baby Boomers and Seniors who are one of the most underserved audiences. I’ve been surprised with how seniors respond to screenings of the film, relating so strongly with my mom & aunt going on to tell me “ we have kids your age that we didn’t realize were facing such challenges in their lives”.

Two reviews of the film came out recently. Since I started my career as an actor 35 years ago there was always the apprehension and excitement surrounding the reviews of the work. A lot has been written about critics and the perspectives on things. You know if you believe the good ones you should be believe the bad ones too. I’m glad the film is having the opportunity to find its audience.

Here’s where you can read the reviews:
http://growthhouse.typepad.com/les_morgan/

http://menscenterlosangeles.blogspot.com/2008/02/review-and-invitation-to-dying-to-live.html

A Blogger reviews Dying to Live

Les Morgan of Growth House has written a review which can be seen at: Dying to Live Review

Also, take a look at this article about the Creative Coalition event where I was a panelist.

“I need help immediately”

“I need help immediately” These are the words my sister wrote on the in house internet message board when we were pressed to find a live in caregiver for my Mother. Mom had undergone brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor at John’s Hopkins Hospital and I had spent 8 weeks in Baltimore with her while she worked hard on rehab.

My sister and I found an assisted living facility directly next to my Mother’s condo. High end with big support. We much of her beloved furniture of a lifetime into the small apartment she was assigned and spent two days with her there as she adjusted. She ate the rich food and interacted at the sing-alongs of old standards. We booked an evening nurse to stay with her in case she was disoriented in the night.

Finally we decided it was time for Mom to try it on her own. No night Nurse. We left with me saying” Mom, what do you do if you need anything?” and she responded “I press this!” indicating the emergency button necklace they had given her at the facility. We went home nervous but hopeful.

Giving Mom time in the morning to be gotten up, dressed and had breakfast, we went to her new “apt”. Opening the door to her apartment we found Mom collapsed on the floor lying on her back and fidgeting with her hands around her neck. I thought she was having a seizure. We jumped next to her, stroking her, telling her everything would be alright. I thought she might be having a stroke, but my sister said she was trying to push the emergency button. While dressing her, the morning staff had tucked it in her blouse and it was nowhere to be found. That was it. We said we were taking her back to her own home.

We needed help immediately. We got it when luck and the universe merged into harmony with our family. Someone responded to my sister’s plea at school. They knew a great woman who had taken care of a friend’s parent. She worked for an agency. When we called them we found she had been booked into another job but wanted to live in, she could be available that night. We got Mom home now disoriented and thinking she had a condo in the same building but on a different floor. That night Pita arrived. She changed all of our lives. The care, love commitment and humor she gave over the last seven months of my Mom’s life allowed us confidence and a chance for Mom to live as fully and comfortably as was possible. She became our family and the love affair between my Mom and Pita flourished. I moved back to Virginia for the better part of the seven month’s and got to witness, help and enjoy Mom’s life.

I tell the story because this experience even more so demonstrated to me the importance that good caregiving can bring to a patient and a family in the most difficult and important time in their lives. I’m very happy to announce that the second charity that will benefit at the premiere for Dying to Live on March 13 is The Los Angeles Caregivers resource Center. Their commitment to educating and supporting caregivers is a big asset to the community at large and we are hoping to broaden the awareness of this important organization.

Some good news.

Some good news. The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation (MARF) is going to be one of the charities that the premiere of Dying to Live will benefit March 13 at the Laemmle Music Hall Theater in Beverly Hills. It’s important for me to be extending the mission of the film in helping to find a cure for the disease that Valerie died from. She continues to inspire me.

MARF has gotten the highest rating from The Charity Navigator which means MARF makes the highest percentage of money donated available for research. It is for both mainstream and alternative treatment. We had experiences on all levels of treatment, mainstream chemo, alternative blood product therapy in the Bahamas and experimental treatments of medications right near the very end of her life.

I’ m glad to be getting things in motion. I want to hear the conversations that follow screenings.

A friend of mine told me that the film changed his awareness to the needs of a pal who was laid up in hospital with an unknown ailment. My friend wound up going to see him everyday. Just to be there.

I’m hearing that I do pretty well on the internet for my age. Who knows? Recently I felt like I discovered a new world when I found a large resource site for Volunteerism while researching appropriate charities for the film. There are lots of people committed to making a difference.

My experience was not different than anybody else’s. I just happened to have a camera turned on. In making the film, all I was trying to do was tell the truth about what happened to me and make sense of the path it led me down. But mostly to face the truth. It’s freeing me. I hope some folks will write some of their experiences here….