All of a sudden it’s the end of February, “Heart Awareness Month”, Valentine’s Day has passed and my next birthday is looming. All is well with my heart. Other parts of me may be breaking down, but my heart beats strong more than a decade after surgery. I ran 3 miles today. I hope my knees and joints can make another 20 years. That would be plenty if my mind can hang in there.
I’ve been helping a 94 year old friend, transition from the independent life style in her own home (remarkable) into assisted living. Currently she is in a rehab facility after a short hospital stay. She’s resistant wanting to maintain her own independence and in denial of creeping dementia and understandable fragility. Remarkable how she has kept it all together her entire life and is still avoiding the tough decisions of advanced directives and power’s of attorney. I want to honor her wishes. It’s a difficult position because her memory can be erratic. When I step back, I wonder if she may have the big secret to make it all the way to the finish on her own. I’m just concerned that she could fall between the cracks and the state will come in and take control of her destiny, reducing the potential quality she could enjoy in her last years. The social worker at rehab has mildly threatened this.
I finally contacted the only know family she has who seems ambivalent to the situation, allowing events and the decisions my friend has made with me to run their course. We’ve made a big leap this week putting the deposit down on an assisted residence and engaging her accountant of some 40 plus years, whom she trusts completely, to become power of attorney for health and financial matters if the need arises.
I can’t help but think that I could be in the same position someday. I have no children or wife, so on this last day of Heart Awareness month, I am committing to finally make my wishes known, so in the event that I encounter a bad scenario no one will be pressured to act and advocate on my behalf without knowledge of my wishes. I still have the Trust in place from my marriage, but without Valerie, the Durable Power of Attorney is void.
I know, I don’t want to be a ‘vegetable’. Who does? Or be brought back from the dead after say age 80 (the number has gone up from the moment I began this blog in increments of 5) and I refuse to be a burden on my family, no feeding tubes if I’m unable to decide and no heroic measures. So I’ve said it. But it’s meaningless unless it’s witnessed, notarized and formally stated in a legal document. One more step.
It will be a big gift to those I love.
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