My Dentist Sadie Mestman always tells me it takes 3 weeks to form new habits, so I imagine it might take the same amount of time to break bad ones. I found this article a motivation in keeping good heart health.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Heart Awareness Month 2011
All of a sudden it’s the end of February, “Heart Awareness Month”, Valentine’s Day has passed and my next birthday is looming. All is well with my heart. Other parts of me may be breaking down, but my heart beats strong more than a decade after surgery. I ran 3 miles today. I hope my knees and joints can make another 20 years. That would be plenty if my mind can hang in there.
I’ve been helping a 94 year old friend, transition from the independent life style in her own home (remarkable) into assisted living. Currently she is in a rehab facility after a short hospital stay. She’s resistant wanting to maintain her own independence and in denial of creeping dementia and understandable fragility. Remarkable how she has kept it all together her entire life and is still avoiding the tough decisions of advanced directives and power’s of attorney. I want to honor her wishes. It’s a difficult position because her memory can be erratic. When I step back, I wonder if she may have the big secret to make it all the way to the finish on her own. I’m just concerned that she could fall between the cracks and the state will come in and take control of her destiny, reducing the potential quality she could enjoy in her last years. The social worker at rehab has mildly threatened this.
I finally contacted the only know family she has who seems ambivalent to the situation, allowing events and the decisions my friend has made with me to run their course. We’ve made a big leap this week putting the deposit down on an assisted residence and engaging her accountant of some 40 plus years, whom she trusts completely, to become power of attorney for health and financial matters if the need arises.
I can’t help but think that I could be in the same position someday. I have no children or wife, so on this last day of Heart Awareness month, I am committing to finally make my wishes known, so in the event that I encounter a bad scenario no one will be pressured to act and advocate on my behalf without knowledge of my wishes. I still have the Trust in place from my marriage, but without Valerie, the Durable Power of Attorney is void.
I know, I don’t want to be a ‘vegetable’. Who does? Or be brought back from the dead after say age 80 (the number has gone up from the moment I began this blog in increments of 5) and I refuse to be a burden on my family, no feeding tubes if I’m unable to decide and no heroic measures. So I’ve said it. But it’s meaningless unless it’s witnessed, notarized and formally stated in a legal document. One more step.
It will be a big gift to those I love.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Farewell to a Fighter
Rabbi Levi Deitsch was my friend. His death is a hole I will never fill in my heart. Rabbi Jacobson begins to explain Levi's tenacious courage in the face of his illness in the following essay. I have experienced this courage before in my wife Valerie and thus have been twice blessed. Hopefully I can draw strength from my friend. I miss him.
http://www.theyeshiva.net/Article/View/113/Farewell-To-A-Fighter
http://www.theyeshiva.net/Article/View/113/Farewell-To-A-Fighter
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Election Day - Nov 2nd
Get out and Vote Today! It will make you feel good. You will be giving direction and support to the country’s future and your own. In your heart, you know that we are all in this life together and we must take responsibility for the people we empower to lead and legislate. I’m proud to be an American and when I see people at the polls tomorrow I know I will be overcome with that rich sensation of being with my fellow Americans who all, no matter what their political background, want the best for the country and each other. I may be naïve, but these are the principles with which the United States was founded and they exist in us today, if we can break thru the encrusted cynicism of the media and politicos. The choices are clear and countless lives will be affected by those choices we make today. Do the right thing and vote. Feel good.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
FREE Screening of Dying to Live - the journey into a man's open heart in LOS ANGELES
Congregation Mogen David
is proud to sponsor a viewing of the autobiographical memoir,
“Dying to Live – the journey into a man’s open heart”
by Ben Mittleman.
At the age of 50, doctors diagnosed Ben with a hereditary cardiac condition requiring nine hours of open heart surgery and a long recovery. Dealing with the profound questions most of us are too afraid to ask opened the gateway to the fears and insecurities of middle age, the relevance of his Judaism and the nature of life and it’s true values.
As the writer, producer, director, and subject of the part video diary/part real-life drama, Ben Mittleman confronts these matters of his own mortality, and captures every detail of his battle while undertaking the care and support of his wife and mother, as both women battle cancer.
This authentic look at truth profiles the period of his personal transformation while revealing the raw realities of one man’s fight to survive while trying to heal and care for the women who love him.
The inspirational movie serves a catalyst to begin discussions about the complex issues it exposes.
“Dying to Live – the journey into a man’s open heart” addresses the truth and strength required to overcome one’s fear of dying and pursue the business of living.
Light Refreshments will be served along with a discussion
with the director Ben Mittleman and Rabbi Gabriel Elias
SUNDAY JULY 25, 2010 6:00 PM
Please call the synagogue to RSVP
310.556.5609
is proud to sponsor a viewing of the autobiographical memoir,
“Dying to Live – the journey into a man’s open heart”
by Ben Mittleman.
At the age of 50, doctors diagnosed Ben with a hereditary cardiac condition requiring nine hours of open heart surgery and a long recovery. Dealing with the profound questions most of us are too afraid to ask opened the gateway to the fears and insecurities of middle age, the relevance of his Judaism and the nature of life and it’s true values.
As the writer, producer, director, and subject of the part video diary/part real-life drama, Ben Mittleman confronts these matters of his own mortality, and captures every detail of his battle while undertaking the care and support of his wife and mother, as both women battle cancer.
This authentic look at truth profiles the period of his personal transformation while revealing the raw realities of one man’s fight to survive while trying to heal and care for the women who love him.
The inspirational movie serves a catalyst to begin discussions about the complex issues it exposes.
“Dying to Live – the journey into a man’s open heart” addresses the truth and strength required to overcome one’s fear of dying and pursue the business of living.
Light Refreshments will be served along with a discussion
with the director Ben Mittleman and Rabbi Gabriel Elias
SUNDAY JULY 25, 2010 6:00 PM
Please call the synagogue to RSVP
310.556.5609
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Share Your Story
When I was making the documentary “Dying to Live- the journey into a man’s open heart”, I was telling the story for several reasons. 1) I had originally begun a film about my impending open-heart surgery that was left unfinished because of a cascade of personal tragedies over several years. 2) I wanted to honor the lives and courage of those I loved. 3) I was looking into my life and soul for it’s authentic center and wanted to reveal truths for myself and dispel my own myths.
I realized the story might represent a commonality of the human condition that could provide understanding and perhaps comfort to others as they struggled with their own challenges of survival, but I did not realize at the time, that in telling the story and reliving the searing truth’s I’d lived and witnessed, I would begin to fully undertake the deep healing necessary to move forward in my life.
I am going to initiate a place on our website www.dyingtolivethemovie.com that will be for the sharing of stories of survival, care-giving, grief and struggle. It is something I’ve discussed doing for a while now and I would appreciate comments and thoughts on how to make the site more beneficial.
I will make the space available un-edited and filtered only in the broadest manner. “The truth will never hurt you” is something I believe and I would like to facilitate sharing your truth’s with a greater public. You can provide contact information if you wish.
Contact me or send your story to ben@dyingtolivethemovie.com and we will get your story out. Just getting it down on paper will make a world of difference.
I realized the story might represent a commonality of the human condition that could provide understanding and perhaps comfort to others as they struggled with their own challenges of survival, but I did not realize at the time, that in telling the story and reliving the searing truth’s I’d lived and witnessed, I would begin to fully undertake the deep healing necessary to move forward in my life.
I am going to initiate a place on our website www.dyingtolivethemovie.com that will be for the sharing of stories of survival, care-giving, grief and struggle. It is something I’ve discussed doing for a while now and I would appreciate comments and thoughts on how to make the site more beneficial.
I will make the space available un-edited and filtered only in the broadest manner. “The truth will never hurt you” is something I believe and I would like to facilitate sharing your truth’s with a greater public. You can provide contact information if you wish.
Contact me or send your story to ben@dyingtolivethemovie.com and we will get your story out. Just getting it down on paper will make a world of difference.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Keep Moving
My sister Lynn and I just observed the 5th anniversary of our Mother’s death. “It just keeps rollin, just keeps on rollin along” These are lyrics from the song Ole Man River, that I would sing in basso profondo from the age 5-7. My mother used to say that, as she got older, time seemed to go by faster. Having just turned 60 my new mantra hit me immediately, “Don’t Wait”. Not very original, but a good jumping off point to Mom’s other expression. “Gotta keep movin” I guess you don’t really embrace these truisms until you occupy the space. It’s a different world from when I came to Hollywood in 1980 at the age of 30 and for the next 10 or so years would, with tongue in cheek, remind my friends that I was “In my prime” Funny enough I still feel that way and I’m not going to wait to take advantage of it. The lesson lives on even when the teacher is gone.
Was it Will Rogers who said that all that the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. What difference does knowing that make? Tax season is over, the next quarter is already closing and I have friends and family who have recently died or are very sick. There comes a point when you realize you are not the savior to all you know and love. That you can’t be there for everyone and that the unexpected will happen even as you are prepare to help.
I quote my friend Harry Leon who died at the age of 99. “I’m doing the best I can with the tools I have” Never really got it over all the years he said it to me. Doing the best you can.
My friend Nosson Deitsch died last week in a tragic jet ski accident. He was 21, full of life and a very religious young man. He taught young people and learned ancient laws, traditions and mystical connections to the universe. He lived his life fully. His older brother Levi had asked me to stay in touch with him after they lost their Dad a few years ago and was going thru a tough time. He’d made a deep connection with “Dying to Live” and a seen it several times. I found him to be joyous and upbeat. A lover of life. Nosson would call or email me out of the blue using his trademark introduction “Hey!” His death is inexplicable to me. An accident. A tragedy. Volumes can be written on him. All of the wheels that were put in place to bring him to that exact moment in time when he drew his last breath.
My young friend Coco has been diagnosed with cancer. He has a young son of 4 and two older children, a beautiful wife, looks like a movie star and has vitality, charm and a sweet & generous soul. He will beat it. Of this I am almost certain, but you can never be positive about anything in life except D & T.
Nosson’s brother, my close and dear friend Levi, is in year 3 of fighting off lung cancer. He has been thru various protocols at the NIH (National Institute of Health), has 4 kids, a thriving congregation, beautiful wife and a passion for people and living. When I visited him in Virginia recently he gave me a yellow wrist band that when translated from the Yiddish stated, “If you think positive, it will be positive” I wore it on my flight over to Europe and for days after. We found out about his brother Nosson the next week.
Today I’m in France with my girlfriend Catherine. Her Mom has just had her hip replaced at the age of 83, is recouping in a clinic and coming home in two days. We are making the house ready and Catherine is preparing to continue her care at home. The Mom, as we like to refer to her, has been a ball of energy her entire life, an artist and enthusiastic gardener. She’s bursting to come home and wWe’re nervous about being able to do the best we can. Catherine is giving maximum attention and going over every detail for her Mom. I know the feeling. I’m trying to help where I can and be supportive. I’ve been here before, but each time feels like the first.
Perspective. Having perspective on each moment. Living the moments out fully, each exact moment in time.
Was it Will Rogers who said that all that the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. What difference does knowing that make? Tax season is over, the next quarter is already closing and I have friends and family who have recently died or are very sick. There comes a point when you realize you are not the savior to all you know and love. That you can’t be there for everyone and that the unexpected will happen even as you are prepare to help.
I quote my friend Harry Leon who died at the age of 99. “I’m doing the best I can with the tools I have” Never really got it over all the years he said it to me. Doing the best you can.
My friend Nosson Deitsch died last week in a tragic jet ski accident. He was 21, full of life and a very religious young man. He taught young people and learned ancient laws, traditions and mystical connections to the universe. He lived his life fully. His older brother Levi had asked me to stay in touch with him after they lost their Dad a few years ago and was going thru a tough time. He’d made a deep connection with “Dying to Live” and a seen it several times. I found him to be joyous and upbeat. A lover of life. Nosson would call or email me out of the blue using his trademark introduction “Hey!” His death is inexplicable to me. An accident. A tragedy. Volumes can be written on him. All of the wheels that were put in place to bring him to that exact moment in time when he drew his last breath.
My young friend Coco has been diagnosed with cancer. He has a young son of 4 and two older children, a beautiful wife, looks like a movie star and has vitality, charm and a sweet & generous soul. He will beat it. Of this I am almost certain, but you can never be positive about anything in life except D & T.
Nosson’s brother, my close and dear friend Levi, is in year 3 of fighting off lung cancer. He has been thru various protocols at the NIH (National Institute of Health), has 4 kids, a thriving congregation, beautiful wife and a passion for people and living. When I visited him in Virginia recently he gave me a yellow wrist band that when translated from the Yiddish stated, “If you think positive, it will be positive” I wore it on my flight over to Europe and for days after. We found out about his brother Nosson the next week.
Today I’m in France with my girlfriend Catherine. Her Mom has just had her hip replaced at the age of 83, is recouping in a clinic and coming home in two days. We are making the house ready and Catherine is preparing to continue her care at home. The Mom, as we like to refer to her, has been a ball of energy her entire life, an artist and enthusiastic gardener. She’s bursting to come home and wWe’re nervous about being able to do the best we can. Catherine is giving maximum attention and going over every detail for her Mom. I know the feeling. I’m trying to help where I can and be supportive. I’ve been here before, but each time feels like the first.
Perspective. Having perspective on each moment. Living the moments out fully, each exact moment in time.
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