“I need help immediately”

“I need help immediately” These are the words my sister wrote on the in house internet message board when we were pressed to find a live in caregiver for my Mother. Mom had undergone brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor at John’s Hopkins Hospital and I had spent 8 weeks in Baltimore with her while she worked hard on rehab.

My sister and I found an assisted living facility directly next to my Mother’s condo. High end with big support. We much of her beloved furniture of a lifetime into the small apartment she was assigned and spent two days with her there as she adjusted. She ate the rich food and interacted at the sing-alongs of old standards. We booked an evening nurse to stay with her in case she was disoriented in the night.

Finally we decided it was time for Mom to try it on her own. No night Nurse. We left with me saying” Mom, what do you do if you need anything?” and she responded “I press this!” indicating the emergency button necklace they had given her at the facility. We went home nervous but hopeful.

Giving Mom time in the morning to be gotten up, dressed and had breakfast, we went to her new “apt”. Opening the door to her apartment we found Mom collapsed on the floor lying on her back and fidgeting with her hands around her neck. I thought she was having a seizure. We jumped next to her, stroking her, telling her everything would be alright. I thought she might be having a stroke, but my sister said she was trying to push the emergency button. While dressing her, the morning staff had tucked it in her blouse and it was nowhere to be found. That was it. We said we were taking her back to her own home.

We needed help immediately. We got it when luck and the universe merged into harmony with our family. Someone responded to my sister’s plea at school. They knew a great woman who had taken care of a friend’s parent. She worked for an agency. When we called them we found she had been booked into another job but wanted to live in, she could be available that night. We got Mom home now disoriented and thinking she had a condo in the same building but on a different floor. That night Pita arrived. She changed all of our lives. The care, love commitment and humor she gave over the last seven months of my Mom’s life allowed us confidence and a chance for Mom to live as fully and comfortably as was possible. She became our family and the love affair between my Mom and Pita flourished. I moved back to Virginia for the better part of the seven month’s and got to witness, help and enjoy Mom’s life.

I tell the story because this experience even more so demonstrated to me the importance that good caregiving can bring to a patient and a family in the most difficult and important time in their lives. I’m very happy to announce that the second charity that will benefit at the premiere for Dying to Live on March 13 is The Los Angeles Caregivers resource Center. Their commitment to educating and supporting caregivers is a big asset to the community at large and we are hoping to broaden the awareness of this important organization.