There is No Waiting

I have just returned home after wintering in Europe. A funny concept since I live in California where I could have been walking around in a shirt most of the time and I just spent 3 months in scarves, gloves, down coats, boots, hats and umbrellas. The trip was great. I broke new ground writing short stories, gained confidence in a different culture and began to get a perspective on my country from afar. Life went on and ended for several friends and acquaintances. That part doesn’t get any easier and seems to be growing daily. Hearing news about friends, relatives and friends of friends. The Boomers and their parents are at the time of life when they are winding down and the unanticipated medical catastrophe is no longer unexpected.

The media has picked up on all of it. Keith Olberman on MSNBC is doing a series on end of life issues, as he lives with his Dad who is dying, going in and out of hospice. It was riveting to see him advocate for advanced directives and inter-family discussions that help to prepare for the inevitable deaths of our loved ones. Last night I watched Tom Brokaw host a two hour program on the Boomer Generation. Now in their 60’s, dealing with aging, their finances and their health seemingly for the first time. The generation that thought they would be young and live forever. The generation of hope and optimism.

Why lose hope or optimism when confronted with the reality of the human condition. We live, we die. It’s a matter of shifting the perspective of what we are hoping for. A good life and a good death. Quality lives that express our character and pass along traditions.

Coming home to the states I had to acknowledge the venom that has grown in the debate over healthcare reform. I received an email recently from a very well educated acquaintance about another matter that was prefaced with a dressing down (to put it mildly) of the current legislation being considered on healthcare reform and a bile soaked attack on the President and his agenda for change and reform. Is it really us against them? To see some of the specifics of her argument. Capital gains taxes going from 15 to 22 percent as 31 million more people become insured which will force doctors out of the profession as their fees are cut causing rationing of medical care. Than the re-emergence of “death panels’, couched in different language of oversight panels, to limit procedures for the elderly and claiming the entire reform package is structured as a giant Ponzi scheme in a power grab against the public’s liberties. I was afraid to open the attached link because her fear mongering rattled me.

Has it come to a place that we don’t trust the government that was voted in by a vast majority to perform from character? Are we all so afraid of our lower selves that we assume everyone else is trying to “do”us for their own self gain? Don’t Doctors take the Hypocratic oath?

I came home to find a close friend of mine at the end of her life just going into home hospice. She is 85 and has been fighting cancer for over 4 years. She has been courageous, vulnerable and a good friend. The truth is important to her and she is living these moments with authentic passion and presence. She has always lived in the moment. Her two Boomer children are with her and listening to her wishes. They are making choices for her funeral, her legacy and these last weeks of her life. The hour I spent alone with her the other day will stay with me forever. Her clear vision of character and authentic pursuit of life have been another model and star by which I will navigate my ship. I am acutely aware of how very lucky I’ve been to have had her friendship and the generous wisdom she has shared with me in the most trying of times. I was trying to comfort her and she has transformed me.

3 days later

In the time I have put this writing down, waiting to complete it at a more convenient and inspired moment, my friend has passed away. There is no waiting. Yesterday, on her last day of life, a ‘love feast’ was held at her house and I was invited to be in the company of her family and friends with whom she lived these 85 years. She had slipped into a calm sleep from which she would not wake and the word surreal was uttered by more than one person I spoke with. I have been in a fog since I received the news of her death this morning. It doesn’t get easier even with those who have had long and full lives. I know someone writing a play about a time “When everyone was alive” That is no longer the case and the future is well…apparently relentless. Now is all we have. Love up the one’s you love.